The War
by Mrs. Owl 09
Summary: Stand alone ficlet set in season one.


Nathan eyed the members of his crew severely. "Now, you are all supposed to be an example to the rest of the ship. But instead, everyone one is trying to take lessons and copy your foolishness. So, I'll ask this once, who started it?"

They were mute, then an explosion of accusations shot across the ward room table. Nathan held up a hand, but it did nothing to lessen the noise. "Enough!" He finally snapped, slamming his hand on the wood in front of him. They were shocked into silence. "Lt. Krieg, what did you do, and what was done to you?" He glowered at the distinctly _sparkly_ supply and morale officer.

"Well, um... This morning after I went to breakfast, I had to run back to my room. There was a spray can behind the door, and when it opened all the way, I was sprayed with glue."

"And the glitter?" Nathan asked wearily.

"It exploded out of my towel when I tried to wipe off the glue." Ben admitted sullenly. "Captain, I showered three times and it won't come off!" He pointed across the table, "it had to be Lucas, he's the only one who would know how to make it stick like that!"

Miguel snorted loudly, "that was me. But you taped raw spoiled eggs to the ceiling of my room. Who else can get, and hide, that many eggs?" He wrinkled his nose in distaste. "They all fell when I was sleeping, I still can't get the smell out of my hair. It was not a fun way to wake up."

Katie flushed darkly, "that was me, sir."

"You?!" Miguel sat up angrily, "what did I do to you?"

"Well, um, nothing, actually." She looked away from the captain's stunned expression. "See, Ben um...a few days ago..." She took a deep breath, knowing it was better to push out her humiliation out at once.

"I was in the gym, late, and Ben came running in wearing a dinosaur costume. I tried to run away, on the treadmill, and I screamed... a lot, and _he_ recorded it!" Katie finished, staring at her hands in shame.

Ben smirked behind his fingers, "I deleted it." A cold stare from his ex halted his glee.

"Krieg has a dinosaur costume?" Ford pushed himself off the wall he leaning on, tilting his head in sheer amazement. "Why?"

He was ignored when a wounded looking Miguel asked, "so why me?"

"Because I couldn't get back at him, he's too good at this stuff. He always sees it coming, but I thought you'd be able to get to him if you thought..." She trailed off with a shrug.

Nathan rubbed the bridge of his nose, "ok, next?"

"Lucas baked me a cake." Tim said bitterly, picking pieces of dried frosting off his collar, and out of his hair. "I should have known better."

"Pardon?" Nathan blinked in confusion.

"A... uh... A balloon cake." Lucas amended, "I blew up a balloon, taped into a box and frosted it. I told him I was getting into a new hobby and it would be important to me if he tried it." Lucas chewed his lip sheepishly. "When he cut into it, pew!" He made an exploding motion with his fingers.

Nathan nodded, "that's the one that started the fight in the mess hall, right?"

Tim and Lucas stared at Katie's hands with her before mumbling, "yes."

"And what brought that on?" Nathan prodded.

Lucas shot a dirty look to Tim. "He put seeds in my keyboard and watered them until they all sprouted yesterday."

"I did not!" Tim argued, "I told you that!"

"When why were you laughing when I asked you?"

"Because it was funny!"

"You ruined my keyboard!"

"That's enough!" Nathan exclaimed, interrupting them and standing before they could come to blows. "So anything uh, before the seeds?" Heads shook around the room.

"Who messed with my alarm clock?" Ford asked, glaring at each of them in turn.

"Me," Tim offered meekly. "But all I did was set an hour ahead so you'd think you were late."

"What if there was an emergency?" Ford growled, "I could have..."

"Been an hour early?" Tim grinned before he realized whom he was speaking to. "I um..." he paled, "I mean, sorry, sir. I had to get someone, before they did me. I didn't think it was that bad of a joke."

Nathan closed his eyes and rubbed his face again, preferring not to see the people in front of him. "Is that everyone?" The crew nodded around the room. "And you have no idea who began all of this?" Thoughtful, but suspicious expressions were his only answer.

Ford cleared his throat, this lips twitching. He was trying to back the captain, but truthfully, he was very amused. Even the prank on him was funny after he got over the embarrassment of pelting down the corridor for no reason. And now that he knew who it was, he was secretly proud of the normally quiet man's cheek to pull it off.

Nathan caught his eye, and shook his head almost imperceptibly. "Ok, I want everyone to clean up, or fix, the prank you pulled. Lucas, uh, we'll get you a new keyboard. But no more, this ends now."

The crew held their breath, when it was clear that further punishment wasn't coming, they hurried from the room. Ford cleared his throat again, "are you going to tell him?"

Nathan shot him a wry grin as they walked to the door. "Why would I blow my cover? He has no idea I planted the seeds." He grimaced, "I didn't know it would do that kind of damage though. You better hurry the order for a new one."

"Yes, sir," Ford chuckled as they parted ways.

Nathan stopped outside his quarters, still grinning to himself. "What kind of war did I start?" When he opened his door, he forced back a horrified scream. Every available surface was covered with dozens of rats. It took him several deep breaths to realize they weren't real, rather made of lifelike plastic.

He heard a click behind him, followed by a short, triumphant laugh, and spun around. Kristin was slipping a camera into her pocket. "That is how you prank someone, Nathan." She haughtily wrapped the tattered, loosened seams of her lab coat around her before exiting the area.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note: Yay! Fun fluffy stuff! I think my internet searches for this one made my husband very nervous for some reason. :) <strong>


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